C'est la Mort
by seasaltmemories
Summary: Heaven or hell or somewhere in between, cross your heart to take me when you leave, please don't go without me


When waking up from a dream, it can be hard to remember who you really are. After playing a certain role for so long, actors can forget to remove their masks when answering the curtain call. The mistake is always played off as some entertaining slip-up while all deeper implications are ignored. It's much preferable to laugh about it than to ask if you really thought that was your face or not.

When Yuya wakes up, he doesn't feel like himself or any of the other four selves that might belong to his body. He feels likes less like an actor and more like an audience member watching his own life play out. He gets up from bed and dresses without any particularly strong reason. All he knows is that he needs to leave. It doesn't matter where he goes as long as it's somewhere he can breathe, where it doesn't feel like reality is breaking down in front of him.

But before he walks out the door, a quiet voice stops him in his tracks.

"Where are you going?" He turns around to see Yuzu up, her pigtails let down and wearing nothing but a simple white nightgown.

"Out." He needs to think, he needs to stop thinking. He needs to save the world before he burns it to the ground.

"Where are you going." She takes a step forward, her words less a question and more a statement.

"I don't know." It only hits him then how closely the two of them resemble Ray and Zarc now and have probably reached around the age they were before they split. In a way it helps Yuya understands Zarc's thoughts. How nice would it be to simply cease to exist for a while, even if it meant destroying everything in the process.

"Where are you going." She takes his hand into hers, and he tries to open his mouth, but the weight of living sits so heavy on his chest he can't say a word. "Where are you going." She presses a feather-light kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Where are you going." Another kiss. Another question. It continues on like that as she leads him back to their bedroom, and he doesn't stop her.

Together they lay in each other arms, his head resting gently against her chest. Idly, Yuzu runs her fingers through his hair while murmuring soothing sounds.

"I'm not losing you again…not on my watch…" He feels so warm in her embrace, safe. The universe feels a little less terrifying, life a little bit easier to live. A part of him despises to show such weakness, but he pushes away the shame and just tries to enjoy the comfort of another living body.

"We got a big day tomorrow. Let's try to get some rest." So he closes his eyes and eventually sleep returns. Then they wake up together and get ready as if nothing the night before happened. It's easy enough at first. It's the first day of a big tag-team tournament they've been prepping for forever. For the two of them, it is natural to throw themselves completely into the hecticness of deadlines and other busy aspects. However as they stand waiting for the moment when Nico announces their presence, Yuya's mind wanders back to the night before.

In the light of day it is easy to see the irrationality of his actions, but it still doesn't dull the desire he felt. It's hard to feel like a hero when you were also the villain, when you continue to think unheroic things that manage to horrify yourself. And the worst part of it all is that everyone else knows it just as well. The spotlight can be so suffocating it almost seems logical to throw all his life's work away. It could be fun to give them one last show as he shatters himself into pieces.

He feels Yuzu's hand around his again. "Where are you going?" She says. "You're leaving me again."

"Sorry." He's not sure what he's apologizing for specifically, but he feels guilt for it all the same.

"You don't need to apologize." Blue eyes lock with his, and he can see she understands, that she knows of the confusing cacophony that could never be separated from their identities. "But after all the time we spent apart, I never want to go through that again. So please just don't go without me."

He feels like a teen again, breathless and out of his league when it comes to romance. Still her touch keeps him grounded. He feels similarly. Even if Yuzu were to walk straight into hell, he would follow her in a heartbeat rather than be separated again.

"I won't," He rubs his finger over her knuckle. "I don't want to lose you either."

Whatever they have to face, they'll face it together.

* * *

 **A.N. According to the Japanese and Korean side of twitter, it was fruitshipping day on 8/2 and I love the song C'est la Mort by The Civil Wars with them, so have this**


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